Reflections on the 1st of January 2023
This time last year I was ill with COVID. If I were incredibly superstitious it may have been seen as an omen. However, I am not. Although, I am incredibly spiritual, which is much different than superstition. Superstition, in my understanding, has its foundation in fear. Spirituality’s foundation is faith. The words may begin with the same letter but, they are very different.
I do not buy into the “New Year, New Me” or resolution malarkey. I may have when I was younger, but now I see it for the fear mongering, anxiety inducing BS that it is. The reality is, this is your life, begin whenever you want to. To be honest, I celebrate any kind of “New Year” on my birthday because, that is what it is: a new year. I was born in October, so celebrating the new year in December always messed with me. I had only just had a birthday and now in January I was essentially being made to already be thinking about my next birthday. This is probably why I’ve always rejected the idea of keeping in with society. In addition to the continued oppression of women and really anyone that is different and does not “fit in.” Happy to be an awkward outlier, and to not “fit in.” I’m great at pretending to, but that’s to ease others’ discomfort. Let’s get back to the new year topic.
I live by the mantra: I am where I am meant to be, when I am meant to be there, receiving the messages I am meant to receive, at the time I am meant to receive them.
I get it, this may seem airy fairy to some people, however, this comes from a place of deep pain and suffering. It is my survivor anthem. I have had to endure and experience things that I pray some people never have to experience in their lives. I am not seeking anything from sharing this, it is to illustrate that even when you think you know someone, you only know what they present to you and tell you. Very few actually know me outside of my family. I have no intention of changing that. My point is, you can have a healthy curiosity, without overstepping someone’s boundary. There are ways to communicate with people without bombarding them with your opinions. It is lovely you have an opinion, however, keep in mind that you do not always need to share it. This is harder with people you care about deeply and dearly. It would be prudent to separate your feelings of their situation from their actual experience of it. In the desire to support them, you could inadvertently isolate them. If I may be so bold, I offer the suggestion to be curious, not directive.
I used to mark my life by years, but when I did everything I was supposed to do and it was still a great big sh*t show, I grounded myself in my yoga and meditation practice. Yoga is not just the physical practice, it is a path, a way of life. Many get confused thinking they are practicing yoga when they are only practicing asana (the physical practice). You can check out “What is Yoga” in the yoga section on my website for a very brief explanation. However, I would invite you to read some yogic texts yourself if you are genuinely curious. I would also invite you to read yogic texts from people who are from the culture and the country it originated from: India. There are many great books out there by other authors, however, this is from their understanding and view. It is inevitable there will be some lack of understanding or unawareness of privilege that may be clouding their message. I greatly felt this in my person-centred psychotherapy training.
When learning about Rogers’ Theory of Personality, I was immediately distracted by the correlations in his theory with that of the teachings of the science of yoga. Many ideas of his, and others in the psychological world, discussing the self-actualization tendency reminded me of the self-realization or understanding of enlightenment that is discussed in not only yogic, but also Buddhist texts. This was an issue for me and not one I have been able to shake off. I am not stating this because I believe this was another form of subtle colonisation, for me it was affirming that I knew what I was doing because I had been practicing it for over 20 years. It also helped me to further understand what my yoga teacher had said to me about psychological well-being when I trained with her seven years ago. She has been a student and teacher of yoga for over 40 years, which is why I chose to train with her. I couldn’t afford to go to India at the time, so I went to Andalusia, Spain, to train with the only person (at that time) I found near me that had been practicing longer than me. All her trainings are run at her retreat centre, Suryalila Retreat Centre. My time there reminded me of who I was and boosted my spirit and soul.
Realising western science was similar to eastern science and wisdom also boosted my confidence and understanding of my ways of being. I understand and know there are books about this but, I am the sort of person that likes to learn and experience it first-hand. It helps to further embed the teaching into my brain. It has offered me the encouragement and confidence that I do have the knowledge and capability to offer support to someone’s well-being. It may not immediately be in the counselling room as it has been for the past year but, back in the yoga space.
I know many that bend the rules and then feign ignorance. I wish I were so bold and courageous. Unfortunately, I follow the rules...big time. Perhaps not societal rules, but safety rules. To me, it is just common sense if you want to keep living happy and free. That minor thrill is not worth it. When working with people and their overall well-being, I take that seriously. It is a safety issue. It may be shocking to hear that someone who used to run around barefoot on the 6ft boundary walls surrounding our backyard, in addition to taking turns being pushed backwards off a branch to swing by your knees is now such a safety buff however, the worse that could have ever happened there was to break something or be in a lot of pain; it was never life threatening.
In summary, reflecting on 2022: it was a horrific year. I have no goals or aspirations for 2023. I only hope to continue to walk the path, journeying through all that life presents, the joy and the pain. My only intention is to laugh and to continue to find joy in the little, mundane things. If you see me hugging a tree, join me! I will be offering yoga, although this will be more focused on private/1:1’s, in addition to workshops and programs. I would not be so arrogant to suggest that I can tell/teach you how to change or live your life. I have 4 siblings and all 4 of our experiences were incredibly different than the other. It baffles me when people market being able to coach a stranger on their life. Only you can do that for yourself. In yoga the teacher guides the student, in the person/client-centred philosophy the counsellor journeys alongside the client. The client is the expert on their experience. In our role as a person-centred counsellor/psychotherapist, we offer a therapeutic space that offers encouragement of exploration of the self. In my personal experience as the client, I felt that I was down in a dark pit, and my therapist sat there beside me, until I was ready to see what was around or ready to work my way out. Time, I believe, is one of the greatest gifts one can ever offer or receive.
With love,
M x