Changes
In September 2020 I began training as a person-centred counsellor/psychotherapist. This has been something on my mind for years. However, I felt that I was so unwell mentally, it was not possible for me to help others. On my 30th birthday, I decided that I was tired of running and staying in a vicious, unhealthy cycle. I reached out to a friend that was training at the time and he put me in touch with a few options of people I could talk to. So began my journey into myself.
The past 5 years have been intense. I am grateful that the habit of writing in a diary, that eventually turned into journalling every day, began in childhood. I sometimes feel the pang of regret that I threw away so many journals before I moved to San Francisco; they were incredibly painful and hard to read. I thought I could grow by running away. Don’t we all? How enticing it is to follow the white rabbit down the rabbit hole and become Alice.
Seeing a therapist weekly, facing yourself, is like sand in your eyes and in places you don’t want: it is hard and it is painful. Oh but my darlings, it is worth it.
In my course I have likened my healing journey to feeling like Prometheus. I feel his story is incredibly relevant. Prometheus was being punished by Zeus for giving fire and civilisation to humankind. He was nailed to a mountain and an eagle was sent to eat his liver every day, and it replenished itself every night (Britannica.com). As it happens, the “immortal liver” was the seat of the soul and intelligence (Chen.1994). On my course, the mirror is placed in front of you every day. For those of us that have been trying to hide from ourselves with a smile stating, “I’m okay,” that inner light and darkness reflects back at you and it is both blinding and stifling. However, you are supported by your amazing classmates (and tutor/s), and like going through the Corryvreckin whirlpool, you’re all in it together.
What’s the point? I’m learning to be more unapologetically me. Instead of feeling the need to be on the defence with a constant f*@% society attitude, I’m learning to set boundaries and be comfortable in saying, “I’m not really interested in fitting in.”
For the first time in my life, I feel like I’ve found what I’ve been searching for my whole entire life. I listen to Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life weekly, if not daily (thanks, Robyn). I say yes, to life and the universe (thanks, Valentine). In summary, I’m not interested in fitting into the yoga or meditation scene. I am interested in sharing moments with people. Which leads to the change in how I present myself and my offerings to the world: Moments with Marina.
I look forward to dancing through life and sharing moments with people.
With love,
M x
List of References
Britannica, The Editors of Encyclopaedia. “Prometheus”. Encyclopaedia Britannica, 26 May. 2021, < https://www.britannica.com/topic/Prometheus-Greek-god. > [29 July 2021]
Chen, P. and Chen, T. (1994) ‘The myth of Prometheus and the liver.’ Journal of the Royal Society of Medicine 87, 754-755. Available from <https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1294986/pdf/jrsocmed00078-0036.pdf > [29 July 2021]